Continued but a shorter reply.
Getting to Work - Public transportation is excellent. There are commuter trains from all 3 states that go well into the far outlying towns. Beware, the further out you are, the longer it takes to get to work + the more expensive it is. Ideally you want to be within a 45 - 1 hour commute. Do NOT drive to work unless you only need to be in NYC 3 days/week or less. Reason? Daily traffic reports talk of accidents & rush hour delays of up to 1 hour no matter what highway it is. Much less stress sitting on a train, using a laptop or reading and walking a short distance to your job.
Finally - the best neighborhoods:
Connecticut - anyplace in Fairfield County. It's expensive so if you need a cheaper town - Stamford.
New Jersey - anyplace in northern NJ (Bergen, Passaic Counties). Going south - Essex, Hudson, Middlesex Counties). Avoid Newark, The Oranges, Hoboken, Bayonne, Union City, etc.
New York - most places in Westchester and Nassau Counties. In Westchester County avoid Yonkers, Port Chester, Mount Vernon and New Rochelle. In Nassau County avoid Hempstead, Rockville Centre, Freeport, etc.