Sad and depressed after moving

Asked by rlw0031, Ohio Wed Aug 7, 2013

We transfered for my husband's job to another area we don't know anybody. It is the 4th time we have moved in 9 years. We looked at houses for a week and made the choice. It was very fast and we are here now. I am having all these feelings of doubt about the house and feel we could have made a mistake. I keep thinking about another house. It had a lot of character, white trim throughout, it was smaller but cozier, cuter, homier, prettier, had a beautiful yard...but I didn't see that until after moving into this house. It is a beautiful house but I don't feel it is me. There is nothing I really love about it...don't like the outside, the inside is gorgeous but manly and it is huge, 3600 sq ft. I also don't like the fact that it is on a golf course. My husband loves it. I feel so bad and don't know how this happened but I feel I may have made a mistake and I don't know how to feel better about it. It has been a week and I am so sad and depressed.

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Mack McCoy, Agent, Seattle, WA
Wed Aug 7, 2013
So, are you just sharing, or would you like guidance?

Although I am not of the Faith, the Serenity Prayer is wise and profound.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
2 votes
Annette Law…, Agent, Palm Harbor, FL
Wed Sep 4, 2013
Sad and depressed,
What you are experiencing is a very typical 'greiving' process. Understand you WILL go through all the stages whether you like it or not. The choice you have is how long you allow yourself to grieve.
Now, take a moment and recognize much of your mental, even subconscience, energy is expended in an effort to replace what you feel you lost. In essence, an attempt to bring your past into your present. This is ALWAYS a bad idea. You must choose to live and fully live in the present. If a life is fully lived, one lifetime is sufficient.
At the core of all enduring happiness is the ember of gratefullness. Give this ember more air. Bring it into the foreground. Celebrate that for which you have benefitted and are undeserving! I did not say recognize...I said CELEBRATE!
You will discover a life lived celbrating, a life knowing purpose will attract others. They too want to know the secret. Now your life, rather than suffering deficiency will thrive in abundance of vision and fullfullment because, in you season of greiving, you had the courage to celebrate.
Those who have sojourned with grief, those who have walked the mile of sorrow, are differant. Much diifferent than those who seek the comfort of joy, she chatters all the way. leaving them none the wiser for all she had to say.
The end of the journey reveals you bring your joy with you. It is the ember in your heart that no one can quench. Your joy can not be dependant on your location or circumstances. Your joy is always present, if you choose to give it life....'For I have but one chance to 'live' this moment, let me choose wisely. For THIS moment is ALL your have."

Best of success,
Annette Lawrence, Broker/Associate
Remax Realtec Group
Palm Harbor, FL

Serious people call.
Really serious people require reliable, comprehensive data.
1 vote
this was excellent!
Flag Wed Jul 1, 2015
Thanks for your reply!
Flag Wed Sep 4, 2013
relolady, Home Buyer, Texas
Wed Sep 4, 2013
S&D, I don't have any suggestions but I'm with you.
We just moved to a different state (4th time in 10 years). We lost out on our first choice house and settled on the second option which was bigger and fancier, but the deal was too good to pass on. We are closing in two weeks and all i can do is find things wrong with it. When the kids and husband are at school/work, I've been finding myself really upset and missing the state where we moved from. This didn't happen the last few times. I was so excited to relocate to warmer weather, closer to my parents, etc, but this has been hard. How are you feeling now?
1 vote
Thank you soo much for your reply, it helps me to feel better I am not alone feeling that way. It seems our situation is very similar. This house is the biggest and nicest we looked at but I didn't feel at home here. I also thought I was posting on a site to talk to other home buyers not agents and they are really the only ones who responded to me. I am feeling better now. Still the house is different than I envisioned us getting and I still miss my trees in the back yard but I am appreciating and enjoying it a lot more than I did. We have also been updating our kitchen and that helps a lot. Please let me know how things go for you! I also know it just takes time and after you develop memories somewhere it will become home.
Flag Wed Sep 4, 2013
Joan Congilo…, Agent, Freehold, NJ
Sat Aug 10, 2013
It sounds like you really just need to give yourself time to settle in and adjust to your new home. In the long run a larger home on a golf course that is beautiful will most likely hold more value than the smaller home you passed on. Next move you will be thankful for your decision.
1 vote
Laura Gianno…, Agent, Manahawkin, NJ
Wed Aug 7, 2013
Take a deep breath, and look around. It's might not be your dream home but that's no reason you can't make great memories. Get involved with the community (a great place to start is the local library or church).

Moving is tough no matter how many times you do it. Good luck (and by the way many home buyers have similar feelings about home they see after they've purchased).
1 vote
Church? Maybe she Jewish or maybe she hates organized religion, you bible thumping realt whor.e
Flag Sun Sep 8, 2013
James Deskins, Agent, Worthington, OH
Wed Aug 7, 2013
Get to know some neighbors! BTW, Ohio is a great place to live, welcome!
1 vote
Ron Thomas, Agent, Fresno, CA
Wed Aug 7, 2013
Dear S & D;
Buck Up!
Put on your walkin shoes and meet some of your neighbors.
I think your emotions have nothing to do with Golf or the Exterior.
Particularly if the Interior is as nice as you say.
How about organizing a Block Party; send me an invitation!
1 vote
Brian Diehl, Agent, Verona, NJ
Wed Aug 7, 2013
Dear Sad and Depressed,

You may want to consider learning to play golf. Golf is a fabulous game. Learning to play golf will not make you love your home, but it may help you love the area a little more. Learning to play golf will help you meet people. Perhaps the club has a women's league that you could join.

As far as learning to love your house, perhaps you should consider a make-over for one of the rooms. With 3600 square-feet, surely there is a room that you could make your sanctuary.

The landscaping is not too difficult to change either. Consider making an area outside too that you could enjoy.

One week is a short period of time and perhaps you just need a longer adjustment period as well.

Try to find some positive things about your new home and embrace the new opportunities that this new home and new area has presented to you.

Good Luck!
1 vote
J, Agent, Greensboro, NC
Wed Aug 7, 2013
You are very fortunate to live in a beautiful 3600 sq ft. home located on a golf course. You may want to shift your thoughts to others who are far less fortunate, on the brink of loosing their homes, trying to feed their families through job loss and sudden medical hardships, and unfortunate bankruptcy situations leaving some families homeless. This my friend is sad and depressing. Best of luck to you.
1 vote
I feel for you. Sounds like you may miss the familiar of your past life. Your are very fortunate to be living in a beautiful home. If it's not you make it you as much as possible. We moved two years ago and it has been rough the neighborhood is run down, homes @ yard not taken care of. I have been looking for another place but all it takes is money and lots of it. All the best to you.
Flag Wed Jun 22, 2016
I can feel for you to a great degree but I'm puzzled about you having such a beautiful home yet longing for another. You may be longing for some of the familiar past. We moved 2 years ago
Flag Wed Jun 22, 2016
Wow thanks so much for the judgement. I am fully aware I am extremely fortunate to live in a 3600 square foot house on a golf course. I am saying I feel it is too big and too much and I don't feel at home here that is the issue. I am trying to come to terms with a choice that I can't take back. So I guess people that live in big houses on golf courses can't feel sad. Best of luck to you.
Flag Wed Aug 7, 2013
Paula Chapman, Home Buyer, Baldwinsville, NY
Fri May 26, 2017
I have the same feelings about a move I made this very week...and we are closing next week.
Bottom line, we did not have to move for work or anything like that. We used to live on the river but moved 2 years ago (sept) to a house due to the fact that the other house was on a steep hill and the driveway was hard to manage in the snow. we had been there 6 years.
We found we missed being on the river. The new house had a lot of character and was very pretty and updated, had many things we never had before like an en suite.
So we found a house after a long time looking, but it is another town, another school district. Just about 3 to 4 miles from the old town, but still...another county, higher taxes, and again, different school district.
I am feeling like I made a big mistake. I should have insisted we only look for a plot of water front land to escape to. We did not find anything ideal but we could have waited. And we could not find another riverfront home in the other town in our price range as prices have skyrocketed.
I feel selfish that my son has to start anew in a new school district (starting high school in sept)
So how can I answer you? i don't know. But i think this is normal and we will survive. Regret is very common for humans, and for sensitive people even more. I miss everything, including just brief situations. I get very attached and always have. Even worse the older I get. you'd think it would get better with time!
0 votes
This is helpful, as is the original post. We just relocated to the other side of our town, but despite a beautiful house, and keeping kids in the school district, all I can see is how much more we are spending, how far I am from friends instead of walking distance, and think we should have waited for something closer. I understand and am grateful to find others in the same place.
Flag Sat Jun 17, 2017
Dalphinz, Home Buyer, Fair Lawn, NJ
Wed Sep 21, 2016
i moved out of state and i'm completely depressed. my daughter didn't want to move and elected to stay back where we used to live. i don't know anyone and when i first looked at the house i fell in love with the property but failed to really look at the town and community. i don't have anything in common here. i'm out in the country and have been isolating because i'm so sad. it takes 20 minutes to go to the nearest local gym and even there, i keep asking what am i doing here? my husband didn't prepare for the move and it was very stressful once we were facing our moving date. he held on to many things he was supposed to get rid of. (hoarding problem). garage is filled with junk so i don't really feel like i moved, in that regard. i'm scared for how bad i feel. i went to an e. r. but if you aren't a threat to yourself or others, your good to go. i'm extremely sad and i hate it. i have a great sense of humor and that seems gone. the person i was and the person i am is so different.
0 votes
I am pa .. I moved from a quiet town with trees and people I new .. To a city not far from me yet I feel like I'm a thousand miles away .. I'm so sick and decided I'm selling my house after 3 months .. Life I s too short to be miserable .. I'll take loss and move on .. I can't get my mind together here .. I'm anxious and feel out of place .. I'm too old to put self threw this unnessesary .. I thought I would adjust .. This neihbor hood sucks .. I appreciate the small things in my home town and I'm going back ! So just fix what's broke .. Don't be sad!
Flag Fri Jul 28, 2017
Angie Bryan, Home Owner, El Dorado Hills, CA
Tue Apr 21, 2015
Wow this is kind of a old thread, how are things now? Better? I am in the same situation, huge new home, lake view, basketball court, pool, home gym, fancy outdoor BBQ....and I don't feel myself.
0 votes
I'm wondering the same thing and it's two years after you posted.
Flag Wed Apr 26, 2017
I'm in the same boat. Thank you so much for these. My husband and I moved to a different state because we could get such a "nicer" home and I didn't like my job anymore. From an outsider it is a much nicer home (new and big), but it doesn't feel like me or home. It's too big and formal. We used to laugh at the things that would break down in our old house. I actually miss that. I wish we never moved. I'm so depressed. I hope this feeling goes away. I'm actually going to a psychiatrist because I feel so horrible.
Flag Sun Dec 27, 2015
I just sold my home of 23 years and moved to a bigger home with a bigger yard and I am so depressed. I am not happy, the home needs so much work to get it up to date. I was smitten with the large foyer entrance and the one acre. I wish I could go back to my old house where I spent so much time fixing it up to our style. It s affecting my family, job and all around I just want to give up.
Flag Thu Jul 23, 2015
I'm reading this string because I just did the same thing- We just moved into the dream house and I'm really down. I feel like someone died almost. I loved our last home but it wasn't working for us anymore. It's hard to not think about it and wish we were still there. This large new house has me feeling anxious and depressed. It's not even been a week and everyone says give it time, but my grief is so strong...I don't feel like myself either.
Flag Tue May 19, 2015
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