I am writing this to you in brutal honesty, been in this situation myself!
Firstly, working with a Realtor is a relationship you build, of trust and understanding. It was not your old Realtors fault you lost offers, but circumstances....you have acknowledged that here.......perhaps you lost because you didnt offer enough in multiple offer situations....and as you say to a Cash offer.... My clients stay with me for life, knowing I will take exceptional care of them as people first, and help them though a transaction when it is right for them!
Also, did you sign a Broker Buyer Agreement with the old or new Realtor?? I sure hope not with both! You may check on that and the expiry date on it if you did so!
Ethically you should have informed the old Realtor, you would be stopping looking with her, before you started looking with another person, but this is done now. Your disappointment in not getting your homes had you looking for someone to blame, and your realtor copped it :O(
You should seek Legal council before you write another offer on the SAME property with your old Realtor, when you have already written it with another realtor....The New Realtor has a right to this commission, as she/he showed you this property, and wrote an offer for you......you made this choice......if you are going for this same home, and have been countered, and want to accept the counter price, my thinking is you would have to go with the new realtor.
Sadly, your old Realtor, who put in all this work, time, energy, and has had so much patience to be with you for so long, will not get paid at the end of the day if you go for this home. We only get paid when we close on a transaction! If you are not being served well, and you change realtors thats understood.....but politely end with one, then start with another so you leave no one with any false expectations.......your old realtor, sadly, still thinks you are working with her!
You are at a decision point, only you can make that choice, and do what you think is right for you.
I give my all to my clients, give loyalty, and expect loyalty from them........but sadly this kind of thing happens to the best of us due to different reasons......people walk away, and sometimes make bad choices.....but then, thats a choice made and they have to live with it, whether they may acknowledge it privately, or not...............your husband is right in feeling he would like to do right by your old Realtor!
Talk to a Real Estate Attorney, and then move, its worth it!
All the Best,