First of all, your neighbors sale 2 years ago, could not be used in todays market. Homes with land, need an experienced appraiser and it sounds like your was. They are harder to comp and require more skill.
Unfortunately you can't do anything at this point but wait for the market to come back. Lenders will only loan you the money on the appraised amount. Remember, they are the ones that are protecting themselves.
If you needed to sell and couldn't get the price of the loan on the amount you wanted to sell for, the bank would be in default.
My only other suggestion would be to contact 2-3 top Realtors and ask them to do a market analysis and see where they would price it.
Wish I could be more encouraging... you could also see if your bank would reduce the interest rate on the current loan, if that is why you are refinancing. You said, "cash out refi" so perhaps you are trying to get rid of the second mortgage.