Everharts Crossroads

Wow, what a shining example of excellence this glorious institution must be—so vast, it probably competes with a McDonald's for square footage. The teachers are clearly pioneering new levels of intelligence, since my seven-year-old brother, a genius in his own right, corrects them effortlessly—and apparently, mistreatment of gifted children with special needs is just a charming tradition here. This miraculous shed must be held together with duct tape, because nothing says “quality education” like a structure on its last legs. Sending your kids here is like opting for a premium experience at a first-class Baltimore daycare—truly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If you cherish your children returning home with “6-7” grades and a personality molded by the finest peers this “school” has to offer, then this is the perfect place for your little primitives. Feel free to contact the school board or a nice admin—after all, they’re just waiting to turn this absolute diamond into a real treasure.