They say you should never judge a book by its cover, but yards? Another matter entirely. Unpruned trees, perfectly planted beds, kitschy lawn decor . . . all offer a window into your soul, or at least your ecological leanings.
Don’t believe us? Find your match below and then take in a few tips for pushing your gardening boundaries (or perhaps subverting your worst tendencies) while still staying true to yourself.
Out-of-Control Growth = The Bare-bones Lazybones
You are an ideas-obsessed visionary, for sure. But, uh, you’re not exactly the most task-oriented person, which would explain those unruly shrubs and 7-month-old leaf piles (there’s a reason your neighbors call you Little Miss Scatterbrained).
Don’t let your yard suffer under the weight of your ambitions: while you’re dreaming of raised-bed gardening, hire out the daily maintenance of your greenage — that’s what neighborhood kids are for, after all.
Just remember: Thinkers are also pretty terrible at project management, so best to turn over administrative duties to a less-dreamy member of your household.
Perfectly Manicured Landscaping = The Upscale Hedonist
Ever since you spent afternoons rearranging the stuffed animals on your bedroom shelf, you’ve been a focused, organized person. Fast-forward a decade or two, and yours is the front yard that induces the most curb-appeal envy: Think straight stone walkway, impeccably coordinated flower beds, and parallel front-door planters.
Your yard is steeped in tradition and symmetry, with nary a blade of grass out of place, but why not bring a little drama to your orderly world? Add a trellised arbor to your walkway, or upset your yard’s symmetry with (gasp) a gazebo. The envy won’t go anywhere.
Boundary-Pushing Plantings = The Unpretentious Urbanite
That crazy-cool house with the front-yard vegetable farm? Yep, that’s yours. You grow according to your own strong principles, even if that creates a few neighborhood waves, which explains why you’re on the forefront of the Food Not Lawns revolution.
So why not take it a step further? Start a rooftop garden, petition for an urban orchard, help pollinate the neighborhood with a backyard apiary, engage in a little locaflorism (e.g., grow your own cut flowers in a greenhouse). Just remember that even the best revolutionaries still grow a few weeds.
Rare-Flower Spotting = The Suburban Socialite
Your front yard is almost as popular as you are — not surprising given that you devote yourself to others, be they flora or fauna. Your love for the rare-seed catalog has resulted in a garden full of surprises: birds of paradise, giant sunflowers, even an alpine strawberry or two, all of which require that extra dose of tender loving care. Even your compost is the stuff of local legend.
Good thing too, given that you feed on the compliments of others to keep going. Next step: turn that compassion into cash by launching your own backyard nursery as a side business.
Chicken Coop = The Budget-Conscious Bon Vivant
Why grow alone when you can grow for an audience? Yards should be fun, after all, especially when they’re populated by dramatic topiary and maybe a four-legged grazer or two (backyard sheep are totally a thing now, right?).
Just remember: Fun still requires work, so keep the socializing local as you tend to your soil; you don’t want to emulate all those Brooklyn hipsters abandoning their backyard chickens at the local animal rescues.
Quietly Amazing Backyard = The Zen & Den Master
From the front, your yard is nothing special: a shrub here, a flower bed there, maybe a crab apple tree left over from a previous owner. But open the side gate and it’s a whole different story. You’ve taken all that introverted perseverance and drive and turned it into one hell of a private sanctuary: koi pond, walled garden, even a meditative bench.
Few acquaintances know the depth of your naturalistic creativity, though, so take a deep breath and throw your first garden party. Your solitude will still be there tomorrow.