If you need to solve a mystery, why would you mess around with a normal detective when you could call a cyborg policeman? The answer is, you wouldn’t. You’d call a cyborg policeman and, after Robocop and arguably that new Robocop, Inspector Gadget is one of the best we’ve got.
With Netflix reviving the children’s (and some adults’, OK?) cartoon series, we’re borrowing some of Inspector Gadget’s best crime-fighting techniques and adapting them to house hunting.
1. Find your Penny
Remember all that nice stuff I just said about Inspector Gadget? Forget it. He was awful at his job. He just had cool toys and a very smart niece named Penny who had the know-how he needed to get the job done.
In your case, that’s a real estate professional. Make sure you have a good one, or you won’t solve anything and will almost certainly be captured by M.A.D.
2. Go Go Gadget Heel Boosters
This is a deep cut for all you Gadget-heads out there. Featured only in episode 52, Gadget Heel Boosters gave Gadget extra speed when Gadget Skating.
3. Go Go Gadget Refridge-a-Gadget
Look, I don’t know how it’s possible for a gloved hand to spring from a hat and spray a substance that immediately lowers the temperature to subzero. I’m not a scientist.
But I do know you should hire someone to extensively test the central cooling and heating systems of your prospective home.
4. Go Go Gadget Ears
Have you ever been woken up to the sound of crows? It happened to me for 15 years. It’s why I named my firstborn Caw, but that’s another story for another time.
Point is: Visit a house you might buy during several different times of the day to listen and get the sonic vibes.
5. Go Go Gadget Wind Sail
There’s absolutely no practical use for a wind sail when house hunting. But if you show up somewhere with a wind sail, people will know you mean business and that certainly never hurts. (If you try it, please let me know because I like the cut of your jib.)
6. Go Go Gadget Periscope
Turns out, periscopes don’t exist only on submarines. Who knew? They also exist in Inspector Gadget’s hat.
Unless you’re Captain Nemo, Alec Baldwin, or James Cameron, you likely don’t have a periscope — but you should do what it takes to look at your prospective home from different angles. Think ladders, hills, and Trulia’s maps. See what you can see.
7. Go Go Top-Secret Gadget Phone
Do you realize you have a supercomputer in your pocket? Make your smartphone earn its stupidly high monthly fee by putting it to work. Use the Level app to test the floors. Check the compass to figure out sun angles.
The possibilities are many, but could you please stop playing Crossy Road for one minute? We’re trying to buy a house here.
8. Go Go Gadget ’Brella
That’s right — Inspector Gadget was so busy fighting crime that he didn’t have time to say all of the syllables in “umbrella.” You better find the time and more, because if you don’t get the roof of your prospective new home thoroughly examined, you will be very sad when it leaks.
9. Go Go Gadget Springs
Inspector Gadget had a spring that burst from his head to break his fall. (Think about that: he was so prone to falling headfirst that he had a head-spring installed.)
I very much hope you don’t find yourself in a position where head trauma is likely, but getting an offer declined or one-upped can feel an awful lot like that. Be ready to bounce back when the hunt doesn’t go the way you’re hoping.
10. Stay for the PSA
Every Inspector Gadget episode ended with a PSA pretty much encouraging viewers not to act like Inspector Gadget. We agree. Learn what you can from him for house hunting, but please don’t live your life based on a man who thought it was a good idea to keep helicopter blades in his hat.
Now go forth, buy that house, and watch out for Doctor Claw. This message will self-destruct.