Question Details

Liz, Home Buyer in New York, NY

can i date my agent?

Asked by Liz, New York, NY Thu Sep 25, 2008

i've been looking to buy a home for a few months now, and during the process, i fall in love with my agent. we are both single (of course) and we started getting a bit friendly lately, but we are both very professional and shy. Can i date him? Do i have to change agent? Please help!

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Liz, I do not know your circumstances but, i well guess maybe you are in need of attention is sort of way. Whether you have just been through a divource or just broke up with another? We all sometimes come to a point in life where we feel alittle lonely especially when our kids don't call on us until they need something? Or maybe you want to just make some changes to make things a little more exciting. Nevertheless, you are ingaging in an area that can be a bombshell waiting to explode. My advise is to ask him straight up if he really loves you, he should refer you to another agent.

There are many smooth talkers in this industry. Remember, realtors have the same reputation that car sells men have and I believe that to be at least 50% correct. The market is very slow as you know and this can be away for some agents to catch the bait and reel them in. Since, this is not his home, he certainly does not have the investment to loose as you do. At the end he won't care one way or the other what he has done to you. If you have children to keep a roof over head, again you will need to be extra cautious on what you decide.

Remember, if something goes wrong, you will have to come to terms with your own decision.

Best regards.
2 votes Thank Flag Link Tue Nov 25, 2008
I don't know whether to comment on the grammar or the subject...
Flag Mon Aug 5, 2013
Sorry.. my wife doesn't allow me to date.
4 votes Thank Flag Link Fri Sep 26, 2008
Alan May, Real Estate Pro in Evanston, IL
MVP'08
Contact
In my opinion, once the word 'love' has been introduced, the objectivity necessary to complete the transaction has been compromised. I would advice you to ask for a referral to another agent in the office. You're dealing with hundreds of thousands of dollars and need an advocate, not a boyfriend.
Web Reference: http://www.hugotorres.com
2 votes Thank Flag Link Wed Nov 12, 2008
Take it from a woman who has had many client/agent attractions. I've always enjoyed flirting and it has gotten me into plenty of heartbreaking situations. Be cautious because the Realtor could be flirting to keep you connected to him until the sale is final. There's a lot of competition out there in the profession and having a loyal client is extremely beneficial. You don't want to be hurt by someone who uses his position of authority (he has the info, power to close the deal, & connections/resources) to lure you into a sexual relationship only to dump you after the sale closes. Call me wary, but protect yourself until after the sale and then see if he pursues/woes you in a respectful way. Cheryl Blair, REeBroker in CA
2 votes Thank Flag Link Wed Nov 12, 2008
Liz

That is so cool! I would keep the agent but try ( kinda of hard to do sometimes) to keep the dating on a hold unitl after the sale is completed.
I hope you find a great home and hopefully a true romance!
2 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
OK Liz,

I think all of us soap opera Realtors need an update. Please let us know about your situation
1. Now
2. After you get your first mortgage payment
3. 2 years from now

;)
2 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
I know it's a cliche but don't dip your pen in company ink.
2 votes Thank Flag Link Fri Nov 7, 2008
Liz Liz Liz......To answer your questions.....along with the rest.......yes you can date him (sort of) and no, you do not have to change agents. I would hope as the real estate professional, he would be helpful in guiding you through this situation. In many real estate transactions we (the realtor) become friendly and connected to our clients. This leads to great and genuine relationships and friendships which our business is in turn built. I am certain you are not confusing this with love. So during the transaction and before closing I would try to keep it as light as possible. He is the one taking a business risk and as anyone "in love" knows when chemistry is sparked, logic and reason fizzle out. So do it for him. I have had male clients get a little too close for comfort and it is a fine line to walk. I stay professional. You are his client right now. Hang on to your feelings until you get the keys. If he is serious, believe me, he will present you an awesome house warming gift (that is if he doesn't try to put you in a rental) If he does try to put you in a rental (especially in this market) then you know it must be love!
2 votes Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
Are you really in love? Realtors who are committed to their profession are always returning calls, giving their customers and clients maximum attention, and catering to their real estate needs...don't confuse professionalism with love. I agree that you should buy your home first, from this wonderful agent, and then go out together, on a REAL date and enjoy eachother's company. I hope it's everything you are feeling and A LOT more! Good luck in your new home and in your new relationship!
2 votes Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
Go for it! Life is a truly a constant of wonderful , beautiful experiences that are meant to be enjoyed!
Would you represent a family member or a member of your church if they liked and trusted you and your real estate sales ability? I should think so!
2 votes Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
Hi Liz:

I personally would probably wait until all these is past before you do anything personal. I think buying a home is a very stressful and emotional thing already, dating your agent at this time will just complicate the situation.

While you are trying to impress the person, will you tell him you like the house even if you don't , or giving up negotiating something just because you want to please him or vice versa?

Agents are human too. You should really put the emotional part aside for now, and then revisit after you bought the house. If you are both attracted to each other, the feelings should still be there after a few months. If not, the feelings might not be as strong as you like anyway.

This is what I would have said if you are my friend.

Best,
Sylvia
2 votes Thank Flag Link Sat Sep 27, 2008
Sylvia Barry,…, Real Estate Pro in Novato, CA
MVP'08
Contact
What is his answer to "can I date my client?" As with doing business with any friends (which we do a lot of in real estate), keep business business and personal personal ... just don't let one negatively impact the other. Will your theme song be "Love Shack"?
2 votes Thank Flag Link Fri Sep 26, 2008
You can date your agent, no problem. However, your agent probably should not date you while he is representing you--it opens the door for possible liability issues with his broker. If the relationship should go south during/shortly after the buying process, you could claim improper representation regarding any unforeseen issues arising from the purchase of the home. Not stating you would ever go that route, but noone can say you wouldn't either. The home-buying process is stressful enough....do yourself a favor and concentrate on finding the perfect house that meets your needs. He is getting paid to perform a set of ethical duties for you and others involved in the transaction, starting a romantic relationship could blur those lines. Good luck to you and your agent :)
2 votes Thank Flag Link Fri Sep 26, 2008
Liz as long as you are not married to the agent there is nothing to disclose. I am always wary of mixing business with pleasure so I am sure you are both consenting adults just be careful

Hope this helps,
2 votes Thank Flag Link Thu Sep 25, 2008
Liz, if he's right, he's worth waiting [until after you've bought your dream house] for.

If the house is right, he's worth having in your sphere of influence when it comes time to sell that house!

Good luck and God Bless!

David Thomas - Real Estate Pro
1 vote Thank Flag Link Wed Dec 10, 2008
Has he asked you? If so, please wait until you're through the process then go for it!
Web Reference: http://www.abarrier.com
1 vote Thank Flag Link Wed Nov 12, 2008
GO FOR IT GIRL! LIFE IS TOO SHORT!
1 vote Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
Liz, that you even question this shows you have boundaries and class. Out of respect for your Agent and to protect him from coming under scrutiny, please keep it at a professional level until you close on your new home. Good for you! You can have your cake and eat it too with proper timing, He will respect you for this.
1 vote Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
Just because you have a personal relationship with someone would not mean that you would be compromising the buyer-broker contract. The agent would still owe you a fiduciary duty to represent your best interests.
1 vote Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
What planet are we on???

Liz, if this guy cares about you and not just selling you a home, then he would understand why it is in your best interest to ask him to refer you to another agent. If he doesn't accept that, you have your answer as to his true intent. He can still be compensated as a referring agent so he is not out financially, and it will allow you to make a smart decision without being inadvertently steered.

As to the agent, he could cross a line that would have serious ramifications financially, even ending his career in real estate. At the very least, it could damage his personal reputation within the community.
1 vote Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
It would be best for all concerned, if you can keep business and romance seperate. Dont give up a great person, just get a new agent!
1 vote Thank Flag Link Sun Sep 28, 2008
By all means there are no rules or law against it, he probabily will work a little harder for you to impress you. be careful though as i used to know an agent that seemed to fall in love with every single woman customer that came into the office, he sold alot of homes and never found his true love as his true love was in deed, selling houses, not looking for his next wife. Good luck Liz, tread with caution
Web Reference: http://www.ScottSellsNH.com
1 vote Thank Flag Link Fri Sep 26, 2008
Go for it! If he gets into a situation where there is a conflict of interest, he needs to declare it, resolve it, and move on...preferably with your relationship!
Web Reference: http://www.cindihagley.com
1 vote Thank Flag Link Fri Sep 26, 2008
Cindi Hagley, Real Estate Pro in San Ramon, CA
MVP'08
Contact
Suggestion - don't muddy the waters until AFTER you have purchased your home. Buying a home is already "full" of emotions of all sorts. Keep your focus, and be certain that your decisions are lead by your head and heart regarding your new home - not your new love interest. If it's "right" you can go for it later.

I hope to hear that "everything" works out with the home and the relationship.
Take care!!!
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Dec 29, 2008
Did it happen or not? I think it is legal but I would advise keeping it cool until a well planned decision on a house purchase was made. I think it would be a dangerously hard situation to make wise real estate decisions when it could be just an emotional physical attraction mixing up a human mind. Tread very cautiously!

Married 49 mostly happy years and in real estate for 25 years.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Sun Dec 28, 2008
Did it happen or not? I think it is legal but I would advise keeping it cool until a well planned decision on a house purchase was made. I think it would be a dangerously hard situation to make wise real estate decisions when it could be just an emotional physical attraction mixing up a human mind. Tread very cautiously!

Married 49 mostly happy years and in real estate for 25 years.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Sun Dec 28, 2008
59 answers later and almost 2 months later...the world wants to know, I WANT TO KNOW...did you find a home? with the same agent/another agent? are you still looking for a home? did you date him? are you still with him? I can't take the suspense....
0 votes Thank Flag Link Tue Nov 18, 2008
You can date him. I know lots of agents that end up meeting the one by selling them there house. Start looking for another house with enough room for the two of you and not just the one of you. LOL
0 votes Thank Flag Link Fri Nov 14, 2008
No, Liz ! He's gay.

just kidding :-) I can't believe how many responses you have had..
0 votes Thank Flag Link Fri Nov 14, 2008
My advice is to take it very slow and be careful. Harmless flirting always makes a gal feel good but you are in the process of a very important transaction. Keep your head to insure you are using your good judgement and not to make rash decisions. If you feel you are getting too serious, I would suggest discussing this with him and figure out the best way to handle the situation. Changing agents is always an alternative, but he has been working with you for a few months. Your heart will tell you what to do in the end.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Fri Nov 14, 2008
I would not date your agent until your finish the home buying process. It is a very emotional time and adding the "love" feelings into the mix could make things harder. I would only handle one life changing event at this time. I would not want to potential ruin a good thing!
0 votes Thank Flag Link Wed Nov 12, 2008
I am actually married to a former client - we fell in love while working together. I initiated it and knew I should not have because it goes against my code of ethics. But we fell in love!! So soon after he closed on the house that I represented him in purchasing, I moved in. And now we are married and expecting a child. It worked out for us - obviously could have been very different - and he is thinking of getting his real estate license now and we are going to start buying investment properties.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Tue Nov 11, 2008
My advice - tread very carefully! If you blossom this relationship while he is acting as your agent, and you purchase a home through him - what happens if there are repurcussions later on about his fiduciary responsibility or worse still, the deal falls through! Are you going to think of him in the same light? will you blame him directly for not being professional to you, the client throughout the entire process? And so on.....
If the ball were in the other court, I would be very professional and outline in detail all the many things that can go wrong in a transaction and for that reason, refer the purchase process to another agent, if i the Real estate Salesperson wanted to become involved in this relationship. Hope this helps?
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
I would say after the contract is completed, you can invite him for dinner. I would not date him or get
to friendly with him until after he has sold you a home.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
I am a real estate broker that met my wonderful husband at an open house for one of my listings. He wasn't initially looking for a townhome but felt drawn to stop in. While we were working together trying to find him a nice home, we discovered that we had so much in common, including many of the same spiritual beliefs. We were married within a year and have been married for over 5 years now. This is a second marriage for both and neither of us were looking to remarry, having each remained single for many years. We both thank GOD for bringing us together. By the way, he made the first move. Although I consider many of my clients as friends, I don't think that it is appropriate for an agent to initiate that personal a relationship with a client.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
SURE!!! You ought not hesitate or you will regret it for rest of time. There is no rules to love. If you can't buy a house from him you shouldn't date him and vise versa. Let you hair down and make the first move if he doesn't. He being on the professional side of this potential relationship I think he is waiting for you to stike first with the flirtations. GOOD LUCK and HAPPY TRAILS!
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
Liz,

You can never predict when attraction strikes! My best advise would be to just take it casually and enjoy the friendship during the transaction. When the businnes is complete and out of the way if you both would like to pursue something more then I say go for it! Mixing business with pleasure can be very difficult from many different perspectives. If you are both patient and wait both of you may be able to reap the benefits of something very wonderful.

Linda Kemp
Keller Williams Realty
Naperville, IL
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
Yes, date him. I hope that happens to me too. I am a single Realtor and looking!
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
Guess it would all depend on what my wife has to say?
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
I know there are already 41 responses to this but I just have to say it. . . YES! Date your agent!! If he's single and your single and there's an attraction why not? I might just wait until after the closing though.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
One of my friends who is a REALTOR married her client just recently. So it is possible!

Michael
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
Liz--this is a difficult situation. I would wait until after the transaction is complete. At that point, it would be a "clean slate" on which a relationship could be pursued leaving no room for any questions that could possibly arise (in your mind) later on. Good luck with your real estate and love!
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
date him, your both single.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
Liz: All's fair in Love and Real Estate, you say you are in love with him but is he in love with you. Make sure you have all your signals correct befor pursuing the relationship. Maybe to make sure he feels the same you should try another realtor and if he still wants to date you then you know it's for real & you can restart the business relationship and pursue the personal relationship......
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
I am married to one of my former/current clients. We met when a former client referred him to me, to find a rental property. You dont need to change agents. Love doesn't wait for a closing. My "client/husband" and I fell for each other quite fast- we found a house and had our first date immediately after the home inspection. If anything, dating him while in the escrow, made me go above and beyond the call of duty to ensure things flowed smoothly for him. We were engaged 6 months later, married a year later and have been delirously happy ever since. Now we are both licensed agents and work together too. Again, you only get some many chances in life to find true love....you can always find another house!
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
I'd wait until after the transaction before pursuing anything with the agent. During the process you can build quite a rapport with your Realtor. IF something goes wrong during the transaction, the last thing you guys want is some sort of mistrust due to the new "relationship." Wait until the closing, then see if he asks you to diner to celebrate.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Mon Nov 10, 2008
Joshua Jarvis, Real Estate Pro in Duluth, GA
MVP'08
Contact
I work with an agent who met his wife the same way. When talking with him, you can see the love in his eyes. In my opinion, I would complete the deal on the home before I pursue the relationship unless you can keep business and pleasure totally separate. After the deal is complete, then go for the relationship. Of course, if you think the relationship has great potential than you might want to wait to buy the home and you two can buy one together. 8-)

Best wishes.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
Liz,

You've gotten everyone's opinion so... here's one more.

Keep in mind that a good agent is hard to find. I would be reluctant to abandon a good agent just because you've fallen in love. What you do with your personal life is just that, personal, keep it that way. Don't let personal stuff get in front of a good business relationship which means money in the bank, a more comfortable, healthful, efficient and aesthetic home purchase.

I don't recommend marrying real estate agents but that is probably because I'm a real estate agent and know from observation and self-appraisal the limitations of realtors as life-partners. If he REALLY loves you maybe he'll cut his commission!

Be blessed and continue to ask probing questions.
0 votes Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
I'm going to go with the people who advise buying your home and then inviting him to dinner after closing. That way the business is finished and you can concentrate on developing your relationship.
Web Reference: http://www.mariatmorton.com
0 votes Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
I still say no. Your relationships you have with family members and friends are already established. If you were their agent, your loyalty and need to please towards these people during a transaction can only benefit THEM. In this case, you've know this person for a few months. Your new relationship with the agent contributes a huge emotional factor to a decision that is already emotionally charged. Don't muddle things. It will protect both of you. Like I said before, if you need to ask....
0 votes Thank Flag Link Thu Nov 6, 2008
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