Gosh Mellig, it bugs to heck out of me to hear stories such as yours. There's truly no excuse for not communicating with your clients. Purchasing a home is a stressful situation to begin with but to then have to tack on even greater stress because of others lack of professionalism truly gets under my skin.
Is there any way to reach out to this lenders' boss? Maybe they can intervene and get you the answers you seek. If not, Bill and Sean had some great points...it may be time to move on.
Please please if you do decide to move on, interview at least 3 different loan officers before making a choice on which one to use. I would suggest you reach out to friends/family who have gone through the process successfully and retrieve referrals from them.