I do not know real estate law in CT (disclaimer).
In CA there we customarily require a letter of pre-approval from a lender. The letter is supposed to state that the buyer is qualified to purchase the property only subject to the property appraising for the purchase price, clear title is established, and no material changes to the buyer's financial situation.
In the purchase contract there is a default period (subject to change) of 17 days for the buyer to remove all contingencies, including the loan approval and appraisal. When I represent the buyer in a transaction I make it a point to communicate with the listing agent regarding my timetable for removing those contingencies. IOW, I do not want the L/A to be wondering how we are progressing, I want to be the one initiating the communication.
When I represent the seller as the L/A I make it a point to inform the buyer's agent during the offer negotiation that I am going to be expecting regular communication regarding the buyer's progress on loan approval. I want to be notified when the appraisal is going to be done, see if the appraiser needs help. I will ask permission of the buyer's agent to contact the buyer's lender to confirm the buyer's qualification. In some instances I will suggest to the seller that we counter into the offer that the buyer co-app with a lender that i know and trust.
Generally I would not contact the lender directly but I do not see any reason why contacting the lender would be an issue. Your concern might be better directed at your agent - how are they communicating with the selling side?
If your lender said nothing before contacting you, it's a non issue. The lender CAN NOT remove your contingency, so no worries there.