I am sorry that the seller has not been understanding about the transaction. My recomendation is to first speak with your agent. If you are still unsure, please consult a real estate attorney for advise. There are several ways for a buyer to recieve their earnest money back and your agent should be able to answer them for you as they are laid out in the Offer to purchase and contract. You should have recieved a copy yourself. It can be confusing if your not used to reading them so go over it with your agent and hopefully you will find that you may be entilted to your earnest money.
Wilkinson & Associates
Since your loan is taking longer did you ask for an extension in writing? Have you removed your contingencies? If your contingencies are still in place you may be protected but if you have removed them you may want to check with a Realt Estate attorney and your Realtor.