I think this is a very nice letter. The only thing I can think of that you may want to add would be a little more detail about your job stability such as how long you have been with your curent job/career/position (especialy if it is quite lengthly and if you are W-2ed employees you could mention that fact as well. If I can be of further assistance, please contact me direct, good luck!
Mitchell S. Feldman
Associate Broker/ Director of Sales
Madison Estates & Properties, Inc.
Office: (718) 645-1665/ Cell: (917) 805-0783