You are not alone.......it seems that lenders like to leave people "in a fog." In many cases there is either an unwillingness or lack on knowledge that block people from truly understanding. You were right to not sign!
We would like to make several recommendations:
1. Keep asking question until you do understand. If that doesn't work, ask to speak with another representative.....remember, it's not you. It's their responsibility to make this information clear to every individual.
2. Take notes.....ask if they mind if you use a tape recorder
3. Consider using multiple resources....the second or third company may be able to clarify the issues others could not
4. Request a "good faith estimate"
It may be helpful when meeting with a loan specialist to set some basic guidelines that would include....if you expect to get my business, it's going to be essential that you understand everything. Anything short of this and you'll find the answers elsewhere.
If you find someone to deal with that a professional has vouched for - you can be more comfortable in signing the paperwork.
Serving Maryland, D.C. and Northern Virginia
Every plan is different VA does not allow some of the expenses to be paid by the borrower, but has a higher interest rate. FHA you need 3.5% down plus MIP gets factored in to the loan. I don't know what other product they offered you. Lenders must now disclose everything because of all the predatory lending in the past. Yes it is confusing but the best person to have clarified your concerns was the lender. If the lender was so unapproachable that you did not feel comfortable asking the WHY questions just find another one.