I too have faced this dilemma with a first time homebuyer I was working with. I also agree with your position that the buyer should have an opportunity to negotiate or decide whether they want to pay, what I consider, a Seller's side fee.
I don't know if they listing agent can cancel your offer but I would ask her if the bank will pay for the fee or if the agent or agents are willing to split the fee 3 ways to help make the deal work.
Good luck,
Jacqueline Clarke
Down Payment Assistance/Rehab (203k) Loan Specialist
Enterprise Mortgage Group, LLC
1850 Lee Road, Suite 140
Winter Park, FL 32789
Direct: 407-739-3853
Fax: 407-951-8886 - Mon Nov 23 2009, 12:37