I'm not sure why they're not calling me back to let me know I didn't get hired.
I do know why I didn't get the part: too droopy on my audition video. I did tell them that my voice is not normally so gravelly and that I was getting over some cold, though that was not really the truth. I actually blame it all on Vitamin D deficiency, which I have been assured is rampant at this latitude.Â
Somebody at HGTV had contacted me and asked if I wanted to be on their show, Bang For Your Buck, in which 3 different San Francisco "master suite" renovations, each costing the same amount, would be compared in terms of return on investment. Against my better judgment, I decided to go ahead and submit an audition video. I knew they would be looking for somebody perky, and perkiness is not something that I conjure easily on demand.
I watched the show, and like most reality shows, the genius is in the low cost.Â These programs almost make themselves, and the producers are the ones seeing an enormous return on investment. But the shows are normally light on intentionally created content. The chosen Realtor and designer on this show (who are probably paid a nominal amount) normally walk through the renovations and comment on things that are obvious. They assign a monetary value to each renovation at the end, then make a winner out of the couple whose renovation adds the most value, according to them. (Interestingly, I have not seen an episode in which a single person's renovation is evaluated.)
Maybe that is because the meat of this show is in watching the dynamics between the couples. I have heard it said that the camera can see you thinking, and the camera is close up on the couples as they watch the commentary about their remodels. The cringe-worthy moments of this show are when the designer or agent critiques the choices the owners made and the owners try to suffocate their response. Sometimes they employ denial, sometimes they squirm and sometimes their disappointment shines through.Â These are the only moments worth waiting for in this show.
People make choices in renovations. Some things they do for their own enjoyment. Not everything is done for other people, and it's impossible to please every person out there at the same time. Unless HGTV provided the money for the remodel, I am not sure why the owners would subject themselves to possible humiliation at the hands of semi-random strangers.
I'm not sure why I made that silly video of myself either, now that I think of it.Â Though I could probably conjure more perkiness if I perceived the stakes to be a little higher.